So now that I’m single, I’ve ventured into the
intimidating arena of online dating. My son Davis has also giving online dating
a try, and he’s been on several sites for over a year, so this is from both our
perspectives. Obviously, as a younger person (he’s 30), Davis should
potentially have an easier time finding single women to meet, but – surprise –
we’ve both discovered that meeting people on a dating site is harder than it
looks.
Three main concerns led me to this conclusion:
1) People don’t respond to messages. In their profiles they state that they’re looking for serious relationships, yet they can’t be bothered to respond “Hi” when you ask “How are you? Would you like to talk?” Not even the ones who look at your profile multiple times.
2) There are so many fake accounts, it’s challenging to scrutinize the people who actually send you a message. After several weeks of being hounded by fakers, I’m having an easier time spotting them – and blocking them. Fakes usually have one photo (sometimes copied from Google images), their profiles are short and vague, they’re very interested in how much money you make, and they want your contact info right away. Oh, and they gush about how attractive you are in your profile photos. Lots of red flags.
3) People
will chat with you a bit on the site, then ghost you. Sometimes they’re legit
and found you interesting at first, but it would be nice if they took five
seconds to write, “I don’t think we have much in common. Good luck in your
search.” Sometimes they’re fakers who ghost you when you point out that they
sound too good to be true – because they are.
Tentative results: Davis has been out with four women
since he started online dating. He’s limiting his search to our local area. One
meetup went well, and they saw each other for six months before deciding it
wouldn’t work out long-term. One was a good first date but she bailed on the
second. One led to several dates but didn’t work out. One is still ongoing but
the jury is still out. He’s hoping to find someone to spend his life with, but
time will tell. It takes a long time to get to know someone well, but bravo to
those women who decided to be brave enough to meet him. He’s a good catch, in
my biased opinion. Sites he’s used and his opinion on them: Hinge – good, Hily
– nope, Bumble – okay, Tinder – only for hookups, Match – would be good if
their search parameters actually worked.
Now for my results: I’ve had several long
conversations with half a dozen men, and distance is not an issue. One started
to get weird (telling me he loved me) and I said “No, thank you.” A few never
followed up with replies so the conversations fizzled. And then I met someone,
and we seemed to really click. There was a slight hurdle since he lives on the
other side of the country. However, we are older adults and weren’t discouraged
by things like flights to see each other in person and relocating – if things
worked out. I remained cautiously optimistic, but as we discussed deeper, more
emotional topics, it became clear to me that we weren’t a good match. He was a
widower and I’m divorced, but he didn’t want to talk about his late wife (or
politics and religion), so we said goodbye. Back to the dating site to start
the process all over again. It does take a lot of patience and perseverance to
find a match, but I’m not giving up yet.
A wise friend who was divorced at fifty and is finally seeing someone she likes at sixty, told me not to put off dating. “It’s harder to meet someone the older you get.” So I took her advice and ran with it straight to LDSPlanet (not a very helpful site) and LDSSingles (better, easier to find matches BUT not everyone on it is LDS and the fake accounts are numerous). So, for a small investment, I’ve met at least one man who could potentially make me happy in my later years, if it had worked out.
Navigating
conversations with strangers online is scary, sometimes frustrating, but worth
it if you find the right person, as many people have. My advice is to be brave
and give it a try. You might end up kissing a lot of frogs, but you might meet
your prince – or princess. Good luck!
