What Color Is Your Sky?

 

  Grandma was the anxiety queen. She needed Paxil long before it was invented. She considered Grandpa to be the number one source of her anxiety, but I think eighty percent of her ranting came straight out of her imagination. Grandpa, for his part, was oblivious to most details of domestic life. It didn't trouble him that Grandma was oblivious to what he did at work all day to support her comfortable home life, yet somehow she felt vindicated directing her vitriol at him. Even as a kid, I could tell her logic train left the station without her.
  So Grandma worried, fretted, and complained every time she opened her mouth, then wondered why no one wanted to spend time with her. The sky was always falling in Grandma's universe.
  Grandpa buried his nose in books, collected antiques, and was completely unruffled by Grandma's occasional attacks on his character. "You never listen!" or "You don't understand!"
  It was true that Grandpa didn't understand Grandma, but he was at peace with his ignorance. The sky was always blue in Grandpa's universe. I couldn't blame him for seeking solitude in books. I think he would have loved to have a pair of earplugs to enjoy his books without the unpleasant background noise from the anxiety queen.

Art Appreciation 101

  "Art is not for the cultivated taste. It is to cultivate taste." ~Nikki Giovanni

  "What's that supposed to be?" Jaime muttered under her breath. "It looks like someone threw up on the canvas."
  "You're standing too close. Back up and you'll see what it is." I hated being stuck with Jaime for the museum tour. The bubblehead couldn't tell a Manet from a Monet and thought Van Gogh was a rock band.
  "It's not even framed." She sneered. "It looks like he used it to clean his brushes."
  I suppressed a sigh of exasperation, but after peering again at the Monet, I had a twinge of doubt. It did look like something that was rescued from a dumpster. I couldn't tell what it was and there was no title card to hint at what Monet had in mind when he painted it.
  Or threw up on it. Or used it to clean his brushes.
  Most of the paintings in the Marmottan had a similar vibe, although I would never admit that to Jaime, the poli-sci major.
  "I'm sure his good paintings are at the Louvre. Why don't we go there?"
  It was the first intelligent thing Jaime said all day.
  "The Louvre is air-conditioned," she whispered.
(Painting: Claude Monet
Le pont japonais)

Ten Things You Know to be True

  1) Politics is always a topic to avoid at family get-togethers.
  2) Money has never bought anyone happiness or lasting joy.
  3) Carbs do make you fat, especially when you don't exercise, but they taste good.
  4) Renovations are never completed on time or under budget.
  5) Kids can always find where you hid the Christmas presents or the Halloween candy.
  6) If it's cold and rainy, you will oversleep.
  7) People always get stomach bugs in the middle of the night.
  8) It's impossible to clean up vomit in the middle of the night.
  9) There is a God, He really does love us, and He sent His son Jesus Christ to atone for our sins so we could return to live with Him again.
 10) Life has a purpose and every life is precious. We are here on earth for a reason. Nothing God does is accidental, arbitrary, or up for negotiation, no matter what liberals say.