Sunday, June 4, 2023

Online Dating Sites -- Do They Really Work? My Experience.

  

So now that I’m single, I’ve ventured into the intimidating arena of online dating. My son Davis has also giving online dating a try, and he’s been on several sites for over a year, so this is from both our perspectives. Obviously, as a younger person (he’s 30), Davis should potentially have an easier time finding single women to meet, but – surprise – we’ve both discovered that meeting people on a dating site is harder than it looks.

Three main concerns led me to this conclusion:

      1)    People don’t respond to messages. In their profiles they state that they’re looking for serious relationships, yet they can’t be bothered to respond “Hi” when you ask “How are you? Would you like to talk?” Not even the ones who look at your profile multiple times.

      2)  There are so many fake accounts, it’s challenging to scrutinize the people who actually send you a message. After several weeks of being hounded by fakers, I’m having an easier time spotting them – and blocking them. Fakes usually have one photo (sometimes copied from Google images), their profiles are short and vague, they’re very interested in how much money you make, and they want your contact info right away. Oh, and they gush about how attractive you are in your profile photos. Lots of red flags.

      3)     People will chat with you a bit on the site, then ghost you. Sometimes they’re legit and found you interesting at first, but it would be nice if they took five seconds to write, “I don’t think we have much in common. Good luck in your search.” Sometimes they’re fakers who ghost you when you point out that they sound too good to be true – because they are.

Tentative results: Davis has been out with four women since he started online dating. He’s limiting his search to our local area. One meetup went well, and they saw each other for six months before deciding it wouldn’t work out long-term. One was a good first date but she bailed on the second. One led to several dates but didn’t work out. One is still ongoing but the jury is still out. He’s hoping to find someone to spend his life with, but time will tell. It takes a long time to get to know someone well, but bravo to those women who decided to be brave enough to meet him. He’s a good catch, in my biased opinion. Sites he’s used and his opinion on them: Hinge – good, Hily – nope, Bumble – okay, Tinder – only for hookups, Match – would be good if their search parameters actually worked.

Now for my results: I’ve had several long conversations with half a dozen men, and distance is not an issue. One started to get weird (telling me he loved me) and I said “No, thank you.” A few never followed up with replies so the conversations fizzled. And then I met someone, and we seemed to really click. There was a slight hurdle since he lives on the other side of the country. However, we are older adults and weren’t discouraged by things like flights to see each other in person and relocating – if things worked out. I remained cautiously optimistic, but as we discussed deeper, more emotional topics, it became clear to me that we weren’t a good match. He was a widower and I’m divorced, but he didn’t want to talk about his late wife (or politics and religion), so we said goodbye. Back to the dating site to start the process all over again. It does take a lot of patience and perseverance to find a match, but I’m not giving up yet.

A wise friend who was divorced at fifty and is finally seeing someone she likes at sixty, told me not to put off dating. “It’s harder to meet someone the older you get.” So I took her advice and ran with it straight to LDSPlanet (not a very helpful site) and LDSSingles (better, easier to find matches BUT not everyone on it is LDS and the fake accounts are numerous). So, for a small investment, I’ve met at least one man who could potentially make me happy in my later years, if it had worked out. 

Navigating conversations with strangers online is scary, sometimes frustrating, but worth it if you find the right person, as many people have. My advice is to be brave and give it a try. You might end up kissing a lot of frogs, but you might meet your prince – or princess. Good luck! 

 


Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery: Rowling Borrowed Heavily from Tolkien

 

I’m sure an English professor did his or her dissertation on this topic, so you’ll forgive me if I miss some things. I recently finished reading the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time, and decided to keep notes on details J.K. Rowling borrowed from J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, my second favorite series. Forgive me if I assume you’ve read both series, or at least watched the movies, because I’m going to jump right in with my comparisons.

Gandalf and Dumbledore are very much alike. They mentor the main characters, the ‘chosen one’s but expect them to do extremely dangerous tasks without giving them enough information. Both wizards die, or appear to, but Gandalf comes back in book two and Dumbledore’s spirit offers Harry advice in book seven.

While Frodo and Harry have similar characteristics – both orphans, both courageous, both have loyal friends – Harry doesn’t actually start his hero’s journey until book seven, when he must search for and destroy horcruxes, while Frodo’s quest to destroy the One Ring is the main plot for all three LOTR books. Oh, and Frodo is a Hobbit. There are no Hobbits at Hogwarts.

Both main characters are given a device to make them invisible. The One Ring for Frodo and the Invisibility Cloak for Harry. Being invisible does come in handy for our heroes, getting them out of many perilous situations and allowing them to overhear crucial information.

The villains in the series are similar. Sauron and Voldemort are both determined to be immortal. Perhaps the One Ring is a horcrux containing Sauron’s soul. I suspect that’s where Rowling got the idea – destroy the device, destroy the villain. Both villains are bloodthirsty, cruel, and without bodies, at least until Voldemort gets a new one in book four.

There are also similarities in the villain’s henchmen. Sauron has Orcs, Uruk-hai, and Nazgul at his command, with a Balrog thrown in to challenge Gandalf. There is also one independent and complex villain called Gollum. Perhaps Griphook the goblin is a type of Gollum, since he was determined to have the sword of Gryffindor, offering to help Harry into Gringotts, then betraying him to get the sword. That might be a stretch, but you can see many examples of how Rowling borrowed Tolkein’s ideas and characters, molding them to fit her own work.

Voldemort’s cronies include Death Eaters, Dementors, and a vampire named Fenrir Greyback. Both authors used goblins, though in different form, and both used a type of underwater zombies – Tolkien just called the zombie realm the Dead Marsh, while Rowling called the creatures Inferi.

Both used elves, but in different forms. Tolkein’s beautiful, wise, and immortal elves have little in common with Rowling’s house elves, except that both can do unusual magic beyond the understanding of wizards.

Both authors used a scrying device – a basin of water that allows the user to see past, present, and future events. Tolkien’s is called the Mirror of Galadriel and Rowling’s is the Pensieve, although she also introduced the Mirror of Erised in book one. The Pensieve was limited to memories, but it was still an effective scrying device for Harry Potter. His one glimpse into the future was through a crystal ball from Professor Trelawny’s Divination class. Both authors also used prophecies to urge their characters along on their quests.

Both authors used mountain trolls, dragons, ghosts, and giant spiders to great effect. Living trees were also a device, although Tolkein’s Ents were far more important to LOTR than Rowling’s single tree, the Whomping Willow.

Rowling borrowed unapologetically from Tolkien’s character names. Longbottom. Aragog (Aragorn). Wormtail (Wormtongue – both betrayed their friends). In book three, she also borrowed a scene from Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when she blows up Aunt Marge like a giant beach ball, similar to Violet Beauregarde who couldn’t resist chewing the forbidden gum, but I digress. Let’s stick to Tolkien.

While she didn’t touch a few of Tolkien’s unique ideas, such as Hobbits and Dwarves, a few fantastical creatures in Harry Potter came straight from Rowling’s imagination. She even wrote a separate book – and later a movie – to give them life (Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them). For example, hippogriffs and thestrals are her own invention. She also used merpeople, werewolves, vampires, giants, unicorns, centaurs, and other creatures from classic fantasy to create her world.

Both authors used music and poetry, but a song in Elvish – a real language Tolkien invented – is probably more impressive than a ditty from the Sorting Hat. In conclusion, I don’t mind that Rowling borrowed so heavily from LOTR. Clearly the books inspired her, and perhaps using some of Tolkien’s devices in Harry Potter has encouraged others to read The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, and vise-versa. I do know that both authors have my admiration for putting their vivid imaginations onto the written page for all to enjoy.






Saturday, October 31, 2020

The Coronavirus Vaccine -- Facts You May Find Useful

This is an interview I did with Daniel Seiser, a PharmD/MBA Pharmacist-In-Charge, and an immunizing pharmacist in the north western United States. Daniel is also my cousin, and one of the most intelligent people I know, so I thought I'd ask him to help clarify the myriad of concerns surrounding a potential vaccine for Covid-19. I think you'll find his information helpful in the coming months as a vaccine becomes available.


1. There has been a lot of discussion about a coronavirus vaccine, and that it will be available for mass-distribution soon. What would creating a vaccine in a short amount of time involve, from a production standpoint?

So to produce an effective vaccine it really is just a matter of real estate. First they need a lot of petri dishes to allow the replication of virus in a controlled environment to be able to produce testing that shows what level of chemical manipulation might be necessary to get viral protein antigens to make antibodies. The more they have to do to the virus to get it to set off the antibody alarms for the white blood cells, the longer it will take to have an effective vaccine. I think they might have gotten this part of the investigation done for now. Of note, knowledge about other corona viruses has also helped even though there are still no vaccines for SARS and MERS yet either. However, they now look at what makes Covid-19 unique and there is a protein that literally sticks out on the viral capsid. Soon much more real estate will be needed for mass production of vaccine, but that is a simple long established process compared with safety trials.

2. What are the potential risk factors for getting any vaccine that has been pushed to market in such a short time? 

The biggest problem with a rushed vaccine is that it might not be specific enough to stop infection within diverse populations of people, but they'll put something on the market anyway. For years we had one shingles vaccine. People kept having rebound shingles because some virus always stays dormant in our bodies since the time when some of us had chicken pox. Now we have one that is ten times more effective. So it is what it is because there is a high demand to have anything as a vaccine in the beginning, and later to have something that actually works well. It is currently not known if people getting Covid twice are rebound infections that their immune system didn't finish off or if reinfection is the culprit.

Next, the much needed safety trials are the rate limiting step that we wade through. It could keep sending them back to square one, but so far so good. There are now supposed to be dozens of Covid vaccine candidates. The amount of these could either point to different numbered generations of weakened virus inside chicken embryos or inactivated virus taken through different chemical processes. There is more sophisticated genetic manipulation that they will consider later. Live weakened virus would have the most risk of causing active illness, but even inactivated virus could spawn sensitivities in different organ systems such as the lungs, which has been seen in some now discarded options resulting from Covid vaccine animal trials. Human trials are underway to screen for problems in probably both live and inactivated virus. They also use adjuvants in vaccines which are added as preservatives and facilitate better absorption and immune response. That complicates the issue by causing possible inflammation and fever known as pyrexia. They do know when too much is too much for most people, but they might not be as picky about the adjuvant load if those trials were on the more effective side of preventing Covid.

3. Are there those who shouldn't get the vaccine, and why? 

People who have weaker immune systems shouldn't get a live vaccine. People who are allergic to eggs or people who have bad reactions to vaccines or the adjuvants should wait until they know the specifics and hold out for the safest option for them. It's my opinion that healthy and young individuals decide for themselves whether the time is right for them, and it will likely be fine either way. Either way provides benefits and risks under the related uncertainties.

4. In your opinion, do people need the coronavirus vaccine? What about those who've already had coronavirus? 

People need a vaccine primarily in the elderly population. We'd say that the benefits of almost any vaccine would be acceptable over the virus, but inactivated vaccine should be the priority for safety. Then healthcare workers will probably have it mandated through their work places. That might give some protection to them and their contacts with older individuals. 

There's a lot of speculation about people who've already had Covid. It will probably be recommended in elderly and a mandated vaccine for healthcare workers including ones that have already had it since some people have had Covid twice. A vaccine offers the potential of a higher immune response without the toxic effects of an active infection.

5. What are potential side-effects of the vaccine, in your educated opinion, since it's still in production and there are a lot of unknowns?

It'll be the same with any vaccine, which runs the whole spectrum. Typically there are injection site reactions, sore arms, and opportunistic cold virus. And the less common more serious side effects which could include swollen lymph nodes, fever and even some cases of anaphylaxis.

6. Do you think the virus will mutate, as most viruses do, and how will that impact the efficiency rate of the vaccine? 

They have said that it mutates, but it doesn't mutate as fast as the the flu. Some scientists are regretting putting out there that it mutates at an "alarming rate." It's a relative thing. Clinical significance of any mutation creating a brand new threat is a much lower probability. Flu has been easy to make new vaccines on a yearly basis, but more or less predictable because those mutations come from such a broad genetic background in multiple virus types. Because of the experience with other flu types, the swine flu vaccine was simply added into the flu shot as one of the more virulent types to protect against. The swine flu was a common type of flu that mutated for a time in animals before it went back to human beings. The coronavirus will mutate, but a vaccine could still be effective for many variants of this new bug.

7. Discuss 'herd immunity.' Do you think herd immunity is possible with a coronavirus vaccine? Why or why not?

A well tested, well used vaccine can lead to herd immunity. Or imagine if the vaccine doesn't prove effective it will lead to faster herd immunity, but more loss of life would unfortunately be a part of it. Swine flu was an easy target for vaccine years ago and now there is substantial herd immunity that suggests even though it also mutates, many people around us are used to what is being spread either by getting vaccinated or surviving a sickness with it. At the stage we are at with Covid, it would be easier with the live vaccine to achieve herd immunity because it presents a stronger threat through deliberate exposure, that the immune system can detect, but inactivated virus will be safer after the matter of perfecting it. Other vaccines based on viral genetic manipulation will eventually out do these efforts.

8. Do you plan to get the vaccine? Do you think your children should have it?

I don't want the vaccine yet. It could be mandated by my employer. I would rather have an actual exposure to the real virus. That's what my immune system is meant for. Or they can give me live attenuated Covid-19 vaccine as the next most simply done option. I think I take good care of my physiology. For someone who is exposed to a lot of sick people, the sickness comes and then it comes less and less often. And I know how not to spread virus at my work place. Of course, if I come down with Covid-19 I will self quarantine. 

My children will not be getting the vaccine. I will fight any mandate for them to get it. Children are more resilient to this exotic bug. Children face bigger consequences from certain potent vaccines with their adjuvants. I'm sure they would be fine in either case. I'm not an anti-vaxxer. They've had many other vaccines. We don't think about the yearly flu vaccine for them yet. That's a take it or leave it vaccine. They will not be getting the HPV vaccine and they won't be getting the Covid-19 vaccine. I reserve the right to have modern medicine tailored to their needs as children.

For someone else who would be afraid of this exotic strain, they should get the vaccine and have that feeling that science has given them all the protection they need. Even if it turns out not to be a perfect vaccine. The availability of a vaccine and idea of herd immunity will fix public perception that any kind of extinction event is upon us. I wouldn't support a mandate. They can't mandate vitamins, diet, and exercise either because those are about lifestyle. But sometimes the lifestyle is more important than the magic bullet.

I'm the pharmacist that actually tells patients that right after getting a flu shot or any shot, you have an increased chance of getting a cold. Maybe even a bad cold. It's not the flu though. Because the flu is more virulent, it peaks and then it has to finish its business. What's in all of my shots is dead dead flu virus. But cold viruses hide in the body for a long time. Maybe up to a year. When the immune system gets irritated by a vaccine, then it sort of flushes out a cold virus that we were unaware was in our lymphatic system. It also happens when the throat area gets chilled for extended periods of time in the colder wintering regions of the country. Lymphatic areas in the neck expand and contract with their blood supplies. Then the whole country gets sick with a flu epidemic as individuals travel. There are no studies of this phenomenon and there never will be. 

Okay, so here's my prediction. The medical professions will embrace the first vaccine based on human trials. There won't be a widespread mandate because groups that flaunt their influence will wait to see how results fit their own interests. There will be benefits with the vaccine, but it won't offer complete protection. The media will inflate the failures of the vaccine with true tales of tragedy and make political statements. Many citizens will still support shut downs and many will say, okay but if it helps most of the people then let's move on. Most importantly, healthcare professionals will be given back jurisdiction over this dilemma. I think more people will be ready to move on. 


Tuesday, July 28, 2020

The Urge to Collect


The Urge to Collect

  I realize that some people don’t like to acquire things. They’re minimalists. I know a few people who have this type of personality. Then there are those on the opposite end of the scale who save everything. I guess you could call them maximalists (is that a word?), although hoarders would be the correct term for a few who can’t bear to part with things that are so far gone that they’re trash. I knew one person like that, and she needed professional help.

  I’m neither a minimalist nor a maximalist, but have a personality somewhere in the middle. I’m a collector. I’m sure most adults collect something, even if they don’t realize it. I don’t know where the urge to collect comes from. We see something we like, something that’s attractive or interesting, and decide we must have more. My sons collected state quarters, old pennies, and foreign currency. My husband collected concert T-shirts when we were dating, until I asked him to stop wearing black T-shirts every day. Now he collects Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts from our travels, and likes to hold on to his broken racquetball and squash racquets for a reason only he can fathom. 

  I grew up in libraries because my dad was a public library director. We were a family of readers. I’ve always been drawn to bookstores and libraries, so the urge to collect books seemed a logical pursuit. At first I just wanted to have all the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys I enjoyed reading as a pre-teen. Tracking down those out-of-print books was a challenge, but I was thrilled to find random copies at Goodwill, yard sales, or in used bookstores. The hunt was more fun than the collections themselves. I was sad when none of my kids showed an interest in my Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys collections, and the books eventually went to a niece. I’ve collected other books over the years -- science fiction and fantasy paperbacks, children’s and YA books about adoption or China for my Chinese daughters, classical literature, church books, and plenty of ‘how to fix’ manuals. Due to limited bookshelf space, I’ve thinned my collection now and then, holding onto just the books I’d want to read again. These days I don’t have an urge to buy more books, unless it’s the newest illustrated Harry Potter.

  Like most women, I collect clothes, but I’m careful not to buy expensive things I know I’ll only wear once. I rarely dress up. I prefer clothes that are versatile, what I’d term mix-and-match. So when I find an article of clothing that’s comfortable, I buy it in every color offered. Gone are the days when I owned something I really liked but found, to my chagrin, that a replacement was unavailable. Now when I find jeans that fit me perfectly, I buy five more pairs in assorted colors. Ditto for cardigans, since I wear them to work. Ditto for capris, T-shirts, and shoes.

  Oh, I should probably mention my shoe fetish. I collect Vans. Yes, the checkerboard skateboard shoes making a resurgence in popularity. I always wanted a pair when I was in high school, so when I started substitute teaching in Cache county high schools and saw them on the students, getting myself a pair seemed like a no-brainer. Yes, I’m fifty-four years old and own five pairs of Vans, but I will resist buying more until some of them wear out.Vans Women's Classic Slip-On Shoes - Free Shipping | Tactics

  Over the years, I’ve gone through phases where I got interested in something and collected a lot of it. I guess I should explain that I have the type of personality where I’m not satisfied to know a little something about lots of interesting topics. No, I learn a little something and completely immerse myself in it. It’s not OCD. I’m not sure what you’d call it. Am I tenacious or am I a glutton for punishment?

  Here’s an example: I was interested in natural childbirth with my first pregnancy and took childbirth classes. When my birth experience was a train wreck -- emergency C-section after three days of posterior labor -- I decided I must’ve done something wrong and needed to educate myself. I educated myself until I became a certified childbirth educator. Then I wanted to know more about breastfeeding and became a La Leche League leader. I even thought about staying with that long enough to become a certified lactation consultant. Then I became a certified birth doula, but found that I couldn’t stand the smell of hospitals. Then I became interested in adoption and had to know everything there was to know about it before we brought our first daughter home from China. Yes, I go a bit overboard. No ‘passing interests’ for me.  

  This brings me back to my urge to collect. For the past decade, my interests have been varied and relatively short-lived. Here’s an example: essential oils. On the urging of a friend, I took an interest in DoTerra oils. I tried a few and liked the results, so I got a book and started learning how to use them. Hundreds of dollars later, I had an impressive essential oil collection. I’ve been able to cure my acid reflux and help my daughter-in-law manage her migraines, so I think it’s been a good investment. I have oils that help me fall asleep and oils that soothe aching muscles, and I still check my essential oils guidebook whenever a medical problem arises. But now that I own all that I will ever use, I’ve moved on to other interests, such as --

  Food storage! Now that’s a practical thing to collect. We’ve always had a few cases of flour, sugar, oats, rice, powdered milk, and beans stashed away for emergencies. We use them and replace them as needed (see LDS Home Storage Center online), but I never gave much thought to having to survive off this stuff if SHTF (if you don’t know what that means, look it up). We’ve always had a garden, and we buy extra cans of soup, tomato sauce, pastas, and whatever at the grocery store or Costco, but one day a friend introduced me to something I didn’t know much about: freeze-dried foods. She gave me a catalog for a company called Emergency Essentials and I bought a few cans of green peppers, which we still have. I was fascinated by the twenty-five year shelf life, and decided that it would be wise to supplement our basic storage with fruits, vegetables, meats, and other ingredients. EE had bulk or group specials each month on assorted products, offering a large discount and free shipping if you ordered more than twelve cans. I didn’t think I’d need twelve cans of anything, so I spread the word to members of my congregation. My new collection was launched.

  For two years, I organized orders for EE with members of my congregation. I felt sorry for the UPS man, who had to carry huge boxes of number ten cans down our steep driveway every single month. I worked tirelessly on our family’s collection, making sure we had some of every product EE offered. I watched for things to hit the bulk/group special. I hovered online for the Black Friday deals. I split orders with anyone who was interested.

  About the time we moved to Utah, EE was bought out by Augason Farms and their prices went way up. I tried to organize bulk/group specials a few times with my new congregation, but couldn’t accept the higher prices. I decided that this collection could rest for now. Since the Covid-19 insanity hit this year, I’ve been grateful I worked on my food storage collection when I did. Now it’s difficult to find freeze-dried foods, and the prices are insane.

  Another collection: I like to sew, although I’m not very good at it. However, when I stumbled across a selection of Harry Potter fabrics in 2018, I renewed my interest in sewing. For two years, off and on, when I wasn’t writing, I sewed Harry Potter quilts and pillows. I sold a few, gifted a few, and gave away several. I’d like to say that that particular collection has run its course, but I can’t make any promises. If I see a new Harry Potter fabric the next time I go to Joann’s fabric store, all bets are off.

  My latest collection has taken a while to gain momentum, but I’m currently fixated on it. A brief history of my Polish Pottery collection: I had a good friend when we lived in Maryland (2001-2004) whose husband was in the military, so they moved often. She had dishes that I admired, and explained that she bought them in Poland when her husband was stationed in Kosovo and the family lived in Germany. She would drive her minivan to the factories in Poland and fill the vehicle with these gorgeous dishes. So when our family traveled to Europe in 2008, I wanted to look for Polish Pottery. I found a shop in Germany, where we were staying with my brother’s family, and chose a few serving dishes. There were so many patterns that it was difficult to make up my mind. I put these treasures in my carry-on to fly home. My brother gave me another serving dish for Christmas one year after that. I didn’t think much about my Polish Pottery until I discovered a few pieces in Marshall’s, which I quickly bought. I didn’t mind that nothing matched. In fact, that’s the beauty of Polish Pottery -- nothing needs to match.

  When my husband agreed to let me buy new everyday dishes for Christmas one year, because the ones we’d owned for twenty-nine years were battered, chipped, and boring, I decided to buy Polish Pottery. I’m a sucker for free shipping, so when I found Polish Pottery Outlet online, with free shipping over $99, I was ecstatic. I started out with a few plates and bowls, but I couldn’t settle for just eight of each. Our kitchen cabinets are now packed with dishes in eight different patterns, and they’re all beautiful. I’ve recently discovered several Polish Pottery Facebook groups, and I can’t stop buying or trading with other obsessed collectors for new pieces. It’s like when I was hunting for Nancy Drew books, although this is much more satisfying. These are dishes, after all. We use them every day. They can go in the dishwasher and oven. And they’re so bright and colorful that they make me smile. My husband keeps asking if we have enough dishes, but I don’t know that I’ll ever get tired of collecting Polish Pottery. There are half a dozen factories, producing seven thousand different patterns. I’m already planning a trip to Poland to visit those factories. We’ll see Auschwitz too, but mostly I want to buy Polish Pottery.

  What will I collect next? Grandchildren are on my list, but first a few more of my kids have to get married. We’ll see.Polish Pottery - Picture of Country Cupboard, Lewisburg - Tripadvisor

Friday, March 20, 2020

My Preparedness Adventure




  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I grew up in a home where the prophet’s counsel to have a year’s supply of food storage was taken seriously. Every modern prophet since Brigham Young has warned members to prepare for hard times. Hard times can include natural disasters, famine, civil unrest, and pandemic. Having been through several hurricanes, tornadoes, ice storms, and now living in an earthquake zone, the first one was easy to understand, but it took 9-11 and the Coronavirus pandemic for me to really appreciate the wisdom in being prepared.

  I remember helping my mother bottle produce when we lived in Provo, Utah. My dad was attending Brigham Young University on the GI bill. We were far from family in Maryland, and thankfully far from a grandmother who had nothing but scorn for storing food. Many people thought like she did, that as long as there are grocery stores nearby, you’d be fine. How many people know that grocery stores have a mere two-days’ worth of stock, or that community water towers can only provide enough drinking water for a single day? The assumption is that if something “really bad” were to happen, the government would take care of us. When my son Davis did a research paper on FEMA’s response to Katrina, I discovered how very wrong that assumption was. FEMA couldn’t take care of one city, New Orleans. I don’t want to imagine that level of incompetence on a national scale.  

  I remember sitting at the kitchen table for hours (or what seemed like hours to a four-year old), pitting cherries one at a time for Mom to bottle. I recall picking apricots at someone’s farm. I also remember falling in the creek, getting fished out and spanked by my dad (because he told me not to go near the creek), and spending the afternoon dripping wet, wrapped in a blanket, while my parents and older brother Adam finished picking apricots.

  My parents had wheat, powdered milk, sugar, oats, and other staples, which they purchased from the bishop’s storehouse (now called Home Storage Centers) when we lived in Utah. I remember them hauling the cases of #10 cans from house to house with each move, and also Mom’s struggle to figure out where to store them. I discovered black widow spiders on boxes when she stored them in a shed, and felt her frustration with my dad when he pulled out the floorboards and stored the cases under a staircase, where she had no way to get to them. When I was about seven-years old, my parents agreed to be Perma Pak representatives in exchange for a good deal on a year’s supply of a new invention: freeze-dried foods.

  Except for the cans of bacon bits that my brothers and I snacked on, we never ate the Perma Pak. I think for my parents, it was disaster insurance -- long-term storage. It was shifted from house to house with each move (and we moved a lot). My mom tried to give me a few rusty cans of Perma Pak shortly after I got married, but I said, “No thanks.” When I was a child, she would occasionally make bread from the wheat storage and something she called scones from bread dough, although I now know it was Navajo fry bread. I vividly remember the chalky taste of powdered milk, even if it was mixed half and half with regular milk.

  The bottled produce, however, was always delicious, and my mom canned every summer, although it was an incredible amount of work. She would put up dozens of quarts of pickles, slaving away in a kitchen with no air conditioning. I remember skinning peaches as they were transferred from the boiling water to the ice water. Although I helped her more than I wanted to, Mom never taught me the process of bottling produce, and I remain in ignorance to this day. I still love bottled peaches, and I miss my mom’s pickles, even if they did stink up the house.

  My own venture into food storage has been quite different from my parents’ struggles. My husband Glen and I had nothing extra on hand until we moved into our first house and a friend gave us a few buckets of wheat from her parents’ downsizing efforts. We borrowed a grain mill and attempted to make bread with some of it. It was good, but the learning curve was steep, even though I’d helped my mother bake bread many times. Like bottled produce, she never really taught me the process of turning wheat into edible bread.

  As a twenty-something, I still thought ‘food storage’ meant wheat, so we bought 400 pounds of it when our ward (local LDS congregation) had an emergency preparedness coordinator to help with such things. When Hurricane Fran knocked out our power for several days in 1996, I had a wake-up call and realized we needed to have much more stored to feed our four small boys. After being snowed in for two weeks in 2000, I started to get serious about preparedness.

  When we moved to Silver Spring, Maryland, in 2001, we discovered two resources: Costco and a Home Storage Center in nearby Upper Marlboro. We started buying food in bulk from Costco, filling our new basement (hooray) with canned goods. Back then members were still allowed to work at the church canneries, and our ward would organize groups to drive to the Upper Marlboro facility. We canned turkey chunks, beef chunks, spaghetti sauce, and berry jam. It was a lot of work, but many hands made the task manageable, and we took home cases of food we helped can. Glen and I were able to put the 400 pounds of wheat into #10 cans, and began adding many more things to our storage, including the dreaded powdered milk.

  When we moved back to North Carolina in 2005, where few houses have basements, we searched for a house with a room suitable to store our fledgling supply. We found a place with two master walk-in closets, and used the smaller one for food storage. We put in a large garden, but being rookies at bottling produce, the tomatoes got the better of us. We put up a dozen jars, but the rest went bad before we could get to them. This was before we knew it was okay to freeze tomatoes. The learning curve is still steep, especially when you don’t have older relatives around to help.

  The house after that had no extra closets, so we got creative. There was a large niche wall in the bonus room. We put in a long curtain rod across the front of the niche, invested in shelving units to line the wall behind the curtains, and filled the shelves with food. We took another stab at bottling with a bushel of peaches from the farmers market. Even with all five kids helping, it was a sticky mess that took all day. I honestly don’t know how my mother did it. Glen grew different types of peppers the next summer and bottled dozens of pints of pepper relish by himself. I realize now that I don’t have the patience for bottling.

  The next house in 2010 had a basement with a wine cellar that was the perfect space for storing food -- since we didn’t need it for wine. By this point the church leaders were pleading with members, who ignored the counsel to have a year’s supply, to store at least a three months’ supply of food. Short-term storage became popular. I filled the wine cellar with things I could buy in cases from Costco: tomato sauce, green beans, corn, peaches (not as good as bottled), soups, etc. For the first time I felt confident that our family could survive whatever crisis hit next.

  When I was called to be the ward’s emergency preparedness coordinator, the church had stopped allowing members to work in the canneries, due to new FDA guidelines. Now all we had to do was call in an order and go pick up the already-canned foods. The closest Home Storage Center was in Greensboro -- 1.5 hours away -- so gathering an order for ward members was hard work. Fortunately we owned a Suburban, so it was manageable. I took advantage of my new calling and our ample basement to stock up.

  At the same time, I began to wonder what we would eat after consuming our short-term, three months’ supply of ‘normal’ canned goods -- vegetables, fruits, tuna, and things from the grocery store and Costco -- and had to use our long-term supplies in the #10 cans. Oatmeal, homemade bread, powdered milk, and beans and rice didn’t sound like something I’d want to eat every day, although it would keep the family alive. Since Glen and I hadn’t made another serious attempt to bottle any produce, it seemed as though our diets would suffer during a long-term crisis. Although we had blueberry bushes and an apple tree, our gardening attempts have never been stellar because we plant things but hate to weed.

  A friend from a different ward introduced me to another resource: freeze-dried foods from a company called Emergency Essentials. EE had group specials every month, which were foods you could get a great deal on if you ordered more than twelve cans. They had me at ‘free shipping.’ I began coordinating orders for my ward. For two years, I probably spent $100 or more on EE every month, stockpiling #10 cans of freeze-dried fruits, vegetables, meats, cheeses, peanut powder, and baking ingredients like powdered eggs and butter, but when Augason Farms bought them out a few years ago and the prices went way up, I was glad I invested when I did. I also filled five gallon jugs for water storage and stocked up on paper goods and first aid supplies. We turned the shed into a chicken coop and enjoyed fresh eggs every day. We had a wood stove in the house and plenty of firewood. I felt truly prepared for any emergency for the first time in my life.

  When my son’s family moved into an apartment, just before we moved away from North Carolina in 2017, I set aside some of everything from our food storage for them. It was a good feeling to leave them prepared. Now that the church’s Home Storage Center has online ordering, I can send them things anytime, at least until they’re done with college and can afford to buy their own.

  My food storage experience has come full circle as my family returned to the place my parents started prepping in 1970 -- Utah. We live less than two miles from a Home Storage Center. There are entire rooms in the basements of most homes set aside just for food storage. We have a potato bin and can buy fifty-pound bags of monster-size spuds for $11, since we live so close to Idaho. It’s normal here for people to have gardens, mature fruit trees, and to regularly bottle produce and fill their freezers with fresh corn on the cob. Even living in a ‘prepper friendly’ area, I was shocked to discover that many people don’t use their storage. Like my parents, they invest in a year’s supply, but rarely touch it. In twenty years, they throw it out and start over. Such a waste, in my opinion. In a crisis, your family will become ill if they have to live off what you’ve stored. Whole wheat doesn’t agree with digestive systems accustomed to store-bought bread, for example. Children won’t touch powdered milk -- although it tastes much better than what the church used to manufacture.

  “Store what you eat, eat what you store,” is my mantra. I use what we store and replace it regularly. When the Coronavirus crisis hit in March, 2020, and people panicked to buy what they needed to be quarantined for weeks, I was at peace. And no, the preppers didn’t create the great TP shortage, it’s the unprepared that cleared out the stores. My family was prepared to be quarantined at home for weeks or even months. I hope people will not become complacent again after Coronavirus is a distant memory, but who knows. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. No, the government isn’t going to take care of you, neither is your crazy prepper (and well-armed) neighbor. It’s a Grasshopper and the Ants analogy -- plan ahead and prepare for hard times. It’s that simple. I've been working at it for over thirty years. 

  One thing I hope people realize after Coronavirus is that having advanced notice to buy what you need is a luxury. Electricity, running water, internet, and trucks to restock grocery shelves are great blessings. The next crisis might give us zero time to prepare. Could you live on what you have in your house for more than a few days? Something to think about. And may I say this would be a great year to put in a garden?

  “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.” ~Doctrine and Covenants 38:30
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Sunday, September 29, 2019

SPARKLES



  I come from a long line of cynics. On my mother’s side with low thyroid issues, we tend to be complainers. The glass is always half empty so we’re never satisfied that there’s enough to drink. On my father’s side with anger issues, we tend to be critical. The half empty glass isn’t clean enough to drink out of so we’re bitter that we’re still thirsty. Consequently, I’ve struggled most of my adult life with a gray outlook, like a dark sky with an occasional patch of blue. It took me years to figure out that persistently looking at life with the glass half empty was actually depression. I’ve struggled to see the positive things in my life, even when they were abundant. If things were going well for a time, I tried to savor the moment because I assumed it wouldn’t last. If it sounds like a dreary way to view life, it is! I’m a living (bad) example of how your attitude determines your altitude.
  I’ve been fortunate that no matter where I’ve lived, I’ve had a friend or two with a bubbly, positive personality. For them, the glass is always half full and the sky is always blue with only an occasional gray cloud. You know the type of person I mean because you’ve probably met a few in your life. If you’re really blessed, you were able to marry or parent someone who sparkles. They’re friendly, positive, and fun to be around. I’ve always wanted to be that kind of person, but since modern medicine hasn’t devised a personality transplant, I’m just grateful I’ve been able to associate with a few sparkly people. Their happiness is contagious, like a rising tide that lifts all the boats.
  I want to mention of few of these special souls, as a way of thanking them for their influence on my life. A friend who sparkles is worth hanging onto, so thank you, Paula Wiggins Jones, Christy Martschenko, Patti Maxwell, Torie Sue Jacobson, and Debbie Stahmann. There have been other good friends, but these five stand out to me as wonderful examples of the power of positive thinking. They are grateful for everyone and everything in their lives, and count every problem as a blessing in disguise. Skies always seem to be blue and cloudless when I spend time with them.
  I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one man I was grateful to know who sparkled: Derek Davis. He was so positive that anyone who met him came away feeling uplifted. The little town I lived in has a 5K race every summer to honor his memory.
  I once heard Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints President, Thomas S. Monson, speak at a BYU Women’s Conference. Something he said really stayed with me: Be sure your list of regrets is short. Sure, we all make bad decisions sometimes or lose our cool and have to apologize later, but regrets tend to shackle our progress if we view them as liabilities instead of lessons. Being negative is one of my biggest regrets. Negativity often distorted my view of opportunities and experiences. However, whenever I’ve shared anything on my regrets list with one of my sparkly friends, they’ve helped me to see my stumbling blocks as stepping stones. Here’s one example:
  In 2003, my husband and I adopted a ten year old boy from Thailand. At the time, we had five other children, ages twelve to three. We were completely blindsided by the challenges this boy brought to our family. We struggled for a year to parent him, but for the safety and well-being of the other five, we made the painful decision to disrupt the adoption. Another family who had more experience with our son’s overwhelming special needs offered to adopt him. We learned later that this troubled young man had RAD -- reactive attachment disorder. Any attempt to parent him, except by those with special training, would have been a disaster, as it was for us. I don’t mention his name at the request of his adoptive family.  
  During the dark year with our son, one person remained a ray of light for me: Torie Sue Jacobson. She buoyed me up when I felt weighed down. I don’t exaggerate when I say she kept me from losing my sanity that year. I had nothing to offer her except a litany of endless complaints, but she radiated positive energy, helping me focus on the things going well in my life, no matter how small. Torie’s family moved away the day before our son went to live with his new family. I felt like God sent her at this specific time because He knew I needed a sparkly friend.
  Yes, there’s a spiritual message woven into my ramblings: God knows each of us, individually. He knows our strengths and weaknesses, and often answers our prayers for help by allowing us to find someone to lighten our load. In my case, those answers have come in the form of friends who sparkle. Aside from naturally exuberant personalities on the outside, one thing they also have which makes them shine from within: a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They all have powerful testimonies of the Savior and follow His example in everything they say and do. I aspire to be a little bit like them by being grateful for my blessings and trying to focus on the positive things in my life. With my gray-sky outlook, it’s hard! I try to appreciate the little things, whether it’s a son who does the dishes without asking or a student at work who compliments me on my shoes, I’m learning to savor the little moments.
  My father (yes, the critic I mentioned earlier), who passed away thirteen years ago, often told me the best way to forget my own troubles was to serve someone else. He was a good example to me because he often stopped to help friends and strangers alike, even if it wasn’t convenient, or he was running late, or he didn’t have a dime in his pocket to assist them, he always made the effort. I need to do this more. I often feel bogged down in the day-to-day chores no one seems to notice at home. I try to look at what I do as serving my family. If I get a thank you or a hug once in a while, I try to feel grateful someone noticed.  
  While I know I’ll never manage to have a sparkly personality, I can attempt to shine a little bit, and maybe lift someone else. Jesus Christ was the perfect example of service, and when we serve others, somehow the sky seems a little bluer. The water in that half-empty glass tastes a little sweeter. I’m grateful for Him, and for the sparkly friends in my life who glow because they know and love Him. I appreciate their examples, and that they’ve been there for me when I needed a light to see my way.
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Wednesday, April 3, 2019

TAKE THAT TRIP -- IT'S WORTH IT



   
  I love to travel, and I’ve been fortunate to grow up in a family of wanderers, and marry into

a family that makes traveling a priority. While it’s a drag to sit for hours in airports, live out of a
suitcase, and deal with the stomach distress of strange foods, traveling is worth the expense and hassles. Flat tires, canceled flights, lost luggage, and seedy hotels are all part of the adventure. Seeing new places and experiencing new cultures is one of my favorite things to do.


  When I was very young my father was in the Army. I don’t remember much about living in Yorkshire, England, but I’m grateful my parents took the opportunity to see parts of Europe. I was also able to see different parts of the country living in Maryland, Utah, Michigan, North Carolina (east, west, and central), and the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. 

  As an adult, I’ve been able to travel with my husband for work to Honolulu, San Diego, Amsterdam, Beijing, and Orlando. We traveled internationally for adoptions to Hefei and Guangdong, China, and Bangkok, Thailand. When my brother’s family was stationed in Ramstein, Germany, we took the family to Europe to see London, Paris, Amsterdam, Brussels, Trier, and we took a Rhine cruise. We’ve also been blessed to have family living in interesting places like Charleston, New Orleans (before Katrina), and Boston. 

  We lived outside of Washington, D.C., for four years, giving us access to incredible museums and national history. As a child and as an adult, I’ve been able to visit many church historical sites (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), resulting in some unforgettable trips to Palmyra, NY, Salt Lake City, UT, and Nauvoo, IL. Living most of my life in North Carolina, I’ve been to the beaches and mountains too many times to count.

  Now that we live in Utah, we’ve been to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. This month we’ll visit Arches and Zion National Parks when my mother-in-law comes to visit. Her travel résumé is twice as long as mine. At the young age of 83, she still plans trips all over the world. 

  Our bucket list for travel includes an Alaskan cruise, Scotland and Ireland, Italy, Switzerland, New Zealand, and Hawaii again, maybe with all of our adult children this time. Planning a trip gives you something to look forward to, a break from the mundane and the constant grind of work and life in general. I honestly don’t know how people can never travel outside their home states. There is so much to see, and it doesn’t cost a fortune if you plan ahead. 

 
What I’ve learned from a lifetime of travel:
1)    Don’t wait. Don’t put it off. If you have an opportunity to travel somewhere, go.
2)    Take the kids, no matter how young. Yes, it’s makes traveling more complicated, but being away from your young children can really put a damper on your enjoyment. And if they’re old enough to remember the trip, it will become a priceless memory for all of you.
3)    Venture outside your comfort zone. Some of the most breathtaking sites are well beyond the ‘tourist’ areas. In Beijing, we skipped the touristy section of the Great Wall and went to Mutianyu one weekend and Simitai the next. It was so worth the long drives and arduous climbs see unrestored, original parts of the Great Wall.
4)    Take your time. My husband Glen wants to see as much as possible and often makes long ‘to-do’ lists when we arrive someplace. Cut the list in half and take the time to appreciate what you can see. If you’re with children, cut the list in half again. To me, listening to Glen complain about what we might miss is a small price to pay for avoiding exhaustion. In London, the rest of the family went on strike after walking for miles along the Thames. We were tired and hungry but Glen wanted to keep walking, so we sat down on a bench and refused to go any further unless the next thing we saw was the nearest Tube station and the stop for our hostel.
5)    Don’t drink the water. This is true no matter where you travel. Yes, London tap water is safe, but don’t drink it. It’s not the same as the water in NC. Learned from painful experience, plus I missed a full day of sight-seeing in London.
6)    Be aware of your surroundings. If you travel abroad, be safe. Wear a money belt, don’t keep your wallet in your back pocket (or keep all your money in it -- use the hotel safe), tell the taxi-driver to set the meter (and be prepared to exit the cab if he won’t), say no to stranger’s offers to ‘give you a personal tour’ or ‘take a ride in my boat’ -- really, there are too many types of swindles to name them all. Keep your kids close, even in areas that seem family-friendly. Don’t be afraid to haggle over prices, especially in Asia, and don’t be afraid to walk away if you feel that they’re trying to take advantage of you because you’re a ‘rich American.’
7)    Learn a little bit of the language, just a few phrases like ‘where is the toilet?’ or ‘how much does it cost?’ can save you a lot of pantomiming and potential headaches.
8)    Respect the culture. It’s important not to offend the natives. Learn enough about their ways so you don’t lose your temper or make them lose theirs in certain situations.
9)    Take memorable pictures -- put yourself in them. Yes, the Eiffel Tower lit up at night is amazing (and worth the hour-long sweltering subway ride), but a photo of your family standing in front of it will mean more to you years from now.
10)  Keep a travel journal because someday you will forget what a wonderful time you had.